I have a confession to make. About a year ago, I started looking into sex toys for men. I didn't do it because I wanted an alternative for my right hand. I did it to get better at having sex.
It's rather an interesting story. I had been dating a girl for 3 years and she ended it. That wouldn't have been a problem in itself - but I had just sunk 2 months salary into a engraved engagement ring for her. Getting dumped without a refund option *really* sucked.
After a few “why are you leaving me” phone calls, she finally told me the cold, hard truth. She was leaving me because I wasn't able to “do it for her” in bed. WTF? I thought we were doing just fine, but as I was obviously told, we weren't. So what the FUCK did “doing it for her” actually mean? Did it mean my dick wasn't big enough? Large enough? Not have the right 33.754345 degree curvature to hit her G-spot? I became obsessed with finding out WHY I didn't do it for her. I just didn't get it.
At the time this happened, I thought we had a good sex life. She'd go down on me, and vice versa. I'd be able to “go rough” (read: nail her hard) for about 15 minutes non-stop. She'd scream and (apparently, what follows was faked) orgasm. Looking back, that just wasn't enough for her to get off.
And she wasn't alone. What followed was the HARDEST THING I ever had to decide on doing. I picked up the phone and called ALL of my ex-girlfriends. And asked them if sex was *really* good when we were together.
Now, if there's one thing I can absolutely GUARANTEE is this... When you ask a girl you're dating it sex was ‘good' … she'll tell you yes. But - when you talk to a few ex-girlfriends that hate your guts, the REAL truth comes out. They tell you the shit you don't want to hear. The brutal, honest, uncensored cold-hard truth. The vent the stuff they always wanted to tell you but never did.
Most of them (not all of them, thankfully - ego is still somewhat intact) told me the same thing. 15 minutes of rough pounding simply didn't cut it for them (I'm paraphrasing - to spare your virgin ears from what I had to hear).
At first, I thought they were just being total bitches, until I read a few study appears on female sexual arousal. As it turns out, the average time it'll take a woman to “cum” vaginally is roughly 35 minutes. Immediately, the sad realization set in that I was 20 minutes short.
Now … sex experts will tell you the best way to increase your stamina is to have more sex with your partner. They'll say things like “take it slow” and to “explore your bodies together with great passion” and that it'll “get better with time”.
But what if you DON'T HAVE SOMEONE to explore with? What the FUCK do you then? What if you're like me and you happen to NOT have 6 fuck-friends on call at any given time?
So I started thinking (unusual, I know!) and experimenting. And recording my own performance results.
My experiments led me to an awesome finding. And that was that if you're willing to put ONE MONTH of effort, you can go from lasting 15 minutes in bed to lasting a whole 45 minutes. And all it takes is the right mindset!
On a side note - women's orgasms are compounded. So while it may take you half an hour to get her there the first time, the following 15 minutes will see her cumming 3 or 4 more times. And while most women will say ‘stop' after the second orgasm, you'll always get the odd chick that wants more. That girl that just can't seem to get enough of you going at her like a beast.
That's why I created this guide. I'm hoping that those of you that are in the same rut I was in can take the advice here and find that one girl that'll put a rockstar smile on your face, because she's never had better sex in her life.
Initially, I didn't really want to write this guide. But after repeated requests by friends and their girlfriends, I decided to put this on paper and release it. Hopefully, it'll help someone out there who wants their life to change for the better.
Now this isn't a ‘quick fix'. I recommend you read the guide, and take time to follow the advice in it. With a little patience and some practice, I'm confident you'll be able to get to a point of lasting longer in bed!
Without any additional ramblings about my life - here's my stamina guide:
Sex Stamina Training Basics
If you're like me, you may not have access to a girl that'll just “be there” to help you last longer in bed. When it comes to sex, women are pretty set on sleeping with someone they feel attracted to, and thereby will give them extreme pleasure.
The goal of this section is you help you achieve the 45-minute mark, so that the next girl you sleep with is impressed by your stamina in bed. Stamina can be achieved by engaging in one of two: masturbation with your hand or masturbation using sex toys.
Masturbating with your hand is something we're all used to - you do it to get a “quick fix”. If I asked you to “take your time” while masturbating yourself, you'd probably extend the session by 3 minutes at most.
In contrast using a sex toy (such as a FLESHLIGHT or an AUTOBLOW 2+) that introduces a foreign object into the equation. This object makes you uncomfortable. And that's OK. While you've been masturbating for years, this new element makes you both scared and anxious. And that's exactly the mindset you want to have while training for stamina.
Remember that you're not using the toy to get off. You're using it to explore new horizons. For example - a FleshLight has different “sleeves” that you can try. They're modeled from the vaginas of real women. Each feels different. Each has a different tightness factor, pinch factor and wetness factor. If you have 3 different sleeves, it feels like 3 different women. But you CAN'T buy into the FleshLight marketing campaign. Remember - you're doing this for TRAINING and NOT to cum inside Jenna Jameson!
The Myth of Penis Size
In a recent study by Princeton University‘s Faculty of Medicine a man's penis size was shown to be a major factor in pleasing a woman. Most women surveyed had trouble feeling anything at all when it came to smaller penises (under 3 inches long) and experienced consistent pain during intercourse when dealing with larger penises (6 inches and above).
This study also showed that too much stamina in bed is NOT always a good thing. Women surveyed from the “small penis” side agreed that intercourse was “unfulfilling due to lack of pressure on the G-spot” - and that even a man with a small penis could end up hurting a woman during intercourse if sex lasted for too long. Similarly, most women who experimented with “large penises” put a stop to the coital experiment after an average of 6 minutes of intercourse. While the men's (extremely) large penises were certainly an initial turn-on, the pain from penetration by said member was too much to bear for most women.
When I first read this, I immediately concluded that in BOTH cases, the result was exactly the same: a woman was left unsatisfied. Specifically, the study found that women who had orgasms in bed were able to achieve these with parterres that had a pains size of between 3.9 and 5.7 inches, and an intercourse time of roughly 30 minutes.
While a small penis failed to make her feel fulfilled, a large one ended up hurting her. The failure was evident in both cases. So if “too small” sucks on a long timeline and “too big” hurts quickly - what's left?
I discovered that it's not a ‘one thing' that makes women love sex and achieve orgasm with you. Rather, it's the total package you are able to bring to bed with you - but above all else, passion and sex stamina.
Understanding & Replicating Passionate Sex Stamina
If you'e ever had a passionate relationship, you'll know what I'm about to talk about. ‘Regular' sex stamina is simply defined as ‘how long' you last. It's a minutes and seconds calculation. Passionate sex stamina is about more than just the mechanics of thrusting back & forth - it's about the way you move WHILE being able to not ejaculate.
This kind of stamina is not about repetition - it's not about how long you ‘last' but how long you last with the fight ‘rhythm'. The whole point here is that during sex, you'll want to vary your rhythm until she signals you to keep going on with a specific one (fast, slower, just like that, etc…)
The problem when it comes to using male masturbators to train yourself, is that they don't talk back with advice and pointers. So you need to gradually practice a blend of speed techniques, and control yourself so you don't ejaculate too quickly. This is possibly the hardest part to achieve, because as men, we're wired to let ourselves go when we hit the point just prior to orgasm.
In general, you need to understand that masturbating with a male sex toy is NOT the same as using your hand. When using your hand, you don't focus on achieving ejaculation as quickly as possible - when using a sex toy for stamina training purposes, you need to be able to pace yourself and HOLD OFF when you're almost about to ejaculate.
Medical professionals in the field of premature ejaculation all recommend slowing down and stopping yourself from ejaculating as the best method to train yourself for lasting longer. And the reason has more to do with psychology than with physical gratification. When you stop yourself from ejaculating repeatedly - allowing yourself to recover and re-initiate pleasurable action - your Hypothalamus (the part of the brain that controls sexual behavior) follows the same path. The interesting part is that the more your train this part of your brain by creation and withholding this pleasure, the more overall PHYSICAL control you come to have on ejaculating.
This is an important lesson. It means that what you THINK about dictates how long you last in bed, and NOT how you feel. With consistent training over a month's time you'll be able to improve your overall stamina.
Stamina Training Failures
So I first wanted to try training with a basic sex toy for men, that I thought might give me some insight on how to go about this whole experiment. The details are documented (with shame) HERE. The companies I dealt with for sex toys ended up costing me not only too much money, but quite a bit of time before I could begin my own experiment.
To summarize, it's not so much the toys themselves that were a problem. It was the companies I dealt with. In one case, I got triple-billed for the same invoice. In another case, the product came from China (which I had no idea about). Do you know how embarrassing it feels like to go to the post office and get asked to pay duty for a ‘penis pump machine'? Let me tell you it's VERY goddamn embarrassing.
Bottom line - know who you do business with before you buy. I did find good products out there that are worth using. If you're interested, you can see a list HERE.
Stamina Training - First Two Weeks
I decided to first train for stamina using the FleshLight. Retailing at roughly 65$, it's by far the cheapest and best first stamina training unit that you can use for getting started. While there are advantages to using others (such as the CobraLibre) later on, the FleshLight is simple to use and comes with a good set of additional ‘sleeves' (inter-changeable skins on its inside) to change up your training methods.
I bought the original Fleshlight with the following two additional sleeves:
- Original Pink Lady
- Stamina Training Unit
I used the FleshLight STU as a starting point for training. Initially using the original sleeve, then switching to the pink lady and the STU (in order). Each time I was about to ejaculate, I forced myself to STOP, by removing the unit altogether. It's noteworthy to say that I wasn't really ‘pounding' the FleshLight like a madman. Rather, I mimicked making love to my first girlfriend, while watching porn.
It's also noteworthy to say that I did pop a viagra before EACH session. Those that have used viagra will understand this - those who have not, read on. Viagra is an enhancing drug. It won't make you pop a hard-on if you're not being turned on. But if you happen to be turned on (like: while masturbating or pre-intercourse), you will get the most raging hard-on you have ever experienced. I wanted to make sure that that part was ‘accounted for' when training - with the simple reasoning that I'd be popping a viagra pill most of the time when having sex with women. You don't HAVE to do this, but it definitely helps achieving your hardest self.
So here are the results I was able to achieve in two weeks, using the FleshLight. This was done simply by stopping myself from ejaculating.
DAY / TOTAL TIME
My Second Week of Training - The Product Switch-Up & Statistics
- 1 / 13 min (original sleeve)
- 2 / 14 min
- 3 / 14 min
- 4 / 15 min
- 5 / 17 min (changed sleeve to the Pink Lady)
- 6 / 18 min
- 7 / 20 min
- 8 / 19 min
- 9 / 22 min
- 10 / 23 min (changed sleeve to the STU)
- 11 / 26 min
- 12 / 26 min
- 13 / 26 min
- 14 / 26 min
After hitting 4 consecutive days at 26 minutes apiece, I thought that it might be good to switch up the toy was using to see if I was simply getting used to the FleshLight. I switched to the Autoblow, which was a different training experience.
That product takes some getting used to. You'll see that my average time went DOWN initially, picking back up once I trained myself to pull out in time. For those that don't know, the Autoblow is a device that mimics a blowjob.
I got the Autoblow 2+ (which is more expensive than a FleshLight) and I was able to achieve the following result for lasting in bed:
DAY / TOTAL TIME
- 15 / 20 min
- 16 / 19 min
- 17 / 25 min
- 18 / 26 min
- 19 / 26 min
- 20 / 28 min
- 21 / 31 min
- 22 / 34 min
- 23 / 34 min
- 24 / 37 min
- 25 / 38 min
- 26 / 39 min
- 27 / 41 min
- 28 / 43 min
- 29 / 44 min
- 30 / 44 min (ok, so I'm ONE minute short of what I promised … so sue me!)
With consistent practice, I was able to achieve 3X what I was used to in roughly a month.
[UPDATE]: At the moment, I can go for about one hour, without stopping.
The Live Sex Stamina Test & Final Outcome
As I mentioned initially, I didn't exactly have a wealth of women to test my stamina on (at the beginning or at the end of my self-made training). Yet, I didn't want to wait until I found a girlfriend to try out if this was really going to last.
So I did something most of you will probably find reprehensible - I called a hooker. I'm telling you this because I want to be truthful. While the whole experience was a bit awkward at first, I did manage to have sex with her for about 45 minutes.
After having found that my last month of stamina training had paid off, I somehow got more confident. I started talking to more women naturally, and after a few days I found myself meeting a girl from Queens. When we finally had sex, it was GREAT - and not only for me. I knew she was into me by the number of times she called during the next few days. And each time I was her, I wasn't the one pushing for the ‘date' to end so we could be intimate.
It felt good to be on top of my game. I felt like everything that had happened in the past had happened for a reason.
And I was finally confident that any woman I'd date in the future would want to stick around. Not for how much money I had or my looks - but because I was able to really make them enjoy themselves with me!